Cheralyn "Big Fat Failure" Nimrod

“Inquire Within”

“Apply Here”

Yeah, right.

I’ve applied to just about everywhere known to man except the nearest strip club. I mean what does it take to get a job as a college grad with much experience? What was all of this college for? I’m just waiting to run out of toilet tissue so I can actually use the degree to wipe my ass. Over-qualified for McDonald’s. Under-qualified for a Teen Coordinator.
I know what I’m going to do. I’m going to get a nice, sturdy, large cup and beg on the train for change. I read somewhere that even panhandlers make around $27,000 yearly. Or I can buy advertisement space and paste my résumé on all the major streets. Or how about printing t-shirts and coffee mugs with my résumé on it. Sounds like a plan but I still need money to do these things which goes back to me needing a job.
For now I guess I’ll just email everyone a copy of my résumé and post it on my blog.

EDUCATION:
Brooklyn College/CUNY, Brooklyn, NY
Bachelor of Arts in Psychology recipient, May 2009

PS 77 Lower Lab School Assistant Teacher, New York, NY, 9/2006-6/2010
· Administer educational programs to children after research and development.
· Stand in as a substitute head teacher when needed.
· Prepare and correct tests and assignments.
· Document attendance and grade records.
· Supervise the health and safety of children during lunch, recess, and field trips.
· Build relationships with children while working on individual goals.

New York City Parks and Recreation Urban Park Ranger Fellow, New York, NY, Summer 2006, 2007, 2008, & 2009
· Offered general information to park patrons such as directions and rules and regulations.
· Administered educational programs to children at playgrounds and high activity sites.
· Helped the public appreciate natural and historic elements.
· Provided low-level enforcement to ensure public safety in the park environment.

Brooklyn College Community Partnership Teen Counselor, Brooklyn, NY, 1/2006-4/2007
· Counseled high school students with personal and academic issues.
· Created an environment that is diverse and relevant to the needs of adolescents.
· Developed and executed programs that address youth issues.

Macy’s East Seasonal Sales Associate, Brooklyn, NY, 10/2004-1/2005
· Provided customer service while maintaining presentation and professionalism.
· Implemented merchandizing ideas and displays.
· Assisted clientele with purchases on sales floor, in fitting rooms, and at the registers.
· Cultivated client relationships to increase customer satisfaction and repeat sales.
· Surpassed daily sales goals.

HIP Health Plan of New York Administrative Intern, New York, NY 9/2003-8/2004 · Performed general office operations, administrative tasks, and special projects as needed.
· Created and modified documents using Microsoft Office while maintaining hard copy and electronic filing system.
· Answered and transferred phone calls to appropriate staff members.
· Confirmed appointments with patients.

The Brooklyn Alliance Young Women's Health and Technology Website Developer, Brooklyn, NY 2/2003-8/2003
· Contributed as a team member in developing www.teenunit.com.
· Efficiently and effectively made use of community resources pertaining to issues about teen health.
· Researched, colleted, and broadcasted articles on the subject of adolescent well-being.

Police Athletic League After School Counselor, Brooklyn, NY 9/2002-6/2003
· Assisted children with homework and guided students in their academic growth.
· Planned and created innovative age appropriate activities
· Corresponded with families about their children’s strengths.